Friday, May 18, 2007

One for the weekend..


A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, “ When I am worried about getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.

So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.

There are 10 commandments, not 12.

There are 12 disciples, not 10.

Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.

When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.

We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.

When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, “take this and eat it for it is my body. He did not say “ Eat me..

The Virgin Mary is not called “ Mary with the Cherry,.

The recommended grace before a meal is not:..Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter’s not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.....

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Stress, Tension and Panic

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress: is when wife is pregnant, Tension: is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic: is when both are pregnant.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Corporate Lessons - 1

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"

The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story is :
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Different approaches to online marketing

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

Perhaps, it is the same with internet and online marketing... If you are going to sit and wait for customers to visit your site, and buy products, then you better have a benevolent lord..

Alternately, if you go out and search the marketplace, steal some ideas and analyse these strategies so as to include the products your market and finally re-strategise and if possible bribe the buyers..... marketing would be a lot easier !

Ofcourse, don't forget to confess each Sunday...

Very soon, you will be offering the priest a share as well !